Wicked Lame Segway Cops

Apr 28 2009

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So are these guys lame, or totally unbelievably badass?

Source: Geek

I have had this photo for a while now and whenever I look at it I think, “that’s sooooo laaaame” and then I think “but sooooo raaaaaad”. I mean, in one respect they are a swat team riding the least masculine motorized transportation device you can ride, aside from this mini tricycle thing this guy is on,

Source: Bizarre Hunter
(I really like this pic btw, and even though that guys trike is lame, he is still badass.)

and in another respect, they look so mobile, agile and efficient that in my mind they effectively become super badass. Recently, however, I came across some other photos of law enforcement members who were also riding Segways. Take a look at these guys.

Totally lame right? Yeah, I agree. So my theory is that the guys on the sSegways in the first picture only look badass because even if they weren’t on Segways, they would still look badass. Also, since they look even more badass when they are on the Segways, I believe that if you currently possess a high level of badassness, then you can increase it by riding a Segway. However, if you currently possess a low level of badassness, you rid yourself of any hint of badassness by riding a Segway. That said, this would probably also apply to regular members of the general public. So remember, before you go out and get a Segway ask yourself these questions. “Do I look badass enough to drive something so unabashedly prissy?” “Am I nearly as badass as these guys even without a Segway?”

Source: Zedomax

If the answer is yes to those questions, then congratulations, you are one of the most badass people on the planet. Have yourself a margarita in celebration! You deserve it you badass person you.

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4 Responses to Wicked Lame Segway Cops

  1. Anonymous says:

    I dont know about this theory, they all look kind of like weenies to me. If you shoot a gun on a segway wont you recoil on the segway and be all unstable?

    –Poops O-plenty

  2. Richard Bergeron says:

    If you are a member of a swat team and extensively trained on a segway, I bet you would be able to compensate for the recoil instability factor.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Based on my assessment of what you believe makes someone look badass… they need to be in all black and wearing some sort of face concealing headgear. Being in a crouched position also seems to help. You should not, however, wear a weenie bicycle helmet or have short sleeves on. I feel like these wardrobe requirements could be easily attained by any member of the public. Therefore we all have the ability to not look like a weenie on a segway, which I find comforting.

  4. YogaforCynics says:

    What the hell’s with the walking-on-the-water-with-some-kinda-fence-like-contraption guy?

    That’s kinda cool….

    Segways though…definition of lame…but it’s really not about masculinity…women look equally lame on them…for that matter, so do children…seriously, they have segway tours around where I live…horrifying….

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