Who is Chicago Ted?

Apr 15 2009

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The idea of Chicago Ted sprouted from a zombie apocalypse video game called Left 4 Dead, I’m sure a lot of you have heard of it. Valve, the developers of the game, created the idea of him by writing 7 words on a random wall within the game.

NO ZOMBIE IS SAFE
FROM CHICAGO TED


At no other instance in the game is Chicago Ted mentioned or alluded to. As a result, thousands of fans of the game have taken part in making the legend of Chicago Ted, and I figured I might as well join in.

As the story goes, Chicago Ted is the greatest zombie killer of all time. He is 7 feet tall and can take on a horde of 1000 zombies with his bare hands. “He uses the twinkle of his eyes in lieu of a flashlight” and can “cause zombies to burst into flames just by looking at them.” He is someone that people can derive inspiration from, he is someone that gives everyone hope. Although many will tell you stories about meeting Chicago Ted and how he appeared out of nowhere to save the day, nobody really knows who Chicago Ted is, until now that is.

I have reason to believe this is a photo of Chicago Ted.

Source: MMOABC

This photo of Chicago Ted was obviously taken pre-apocalypse. As you can see, Chicago Ted does not conform to the masses. The people around him all have their identical style twins with them, but Ted, he is a loner. He needs no companion, nor does he want one. Chicago Ted drinks beer out of a cup because he knows you can drink it faster that way. You’ll notice that he keeps the length of his sleeves and pants as short as possible, this way when things get dirty it’s an easy cleanup. Chicago Ted always comes prepared for an apocalypse. I truly believe this is Chicago Ted, although some may disagree so I will offer the best possible alternative.

Source: dlisted
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4 Responses to Who is Chicago Ted?

  1. Anonymous says:

    The ladies next to chicago ted look loose, in particular the one in the skirt, all standing there t-rex armed. The bros on the grass also look loose……like…..loose penises, in particular the fella to the right, if i wasn’t so tolerant of looseness id say id like to punch him square in the chinstrap.

    –Obama

  2. Anonymous says:

    STFU Anonymous his an awesome person aswell!

    FUCKING AWESOME THEORY BTW, BUT DONTI NSULT PPLS WHITH THAT GAY FAG NEAR HIM FFS!

  3. Anonymous says:

    IM THAT DUDE WHO ALLWAYS POSTS STUFF A’BOUT CHI TED, YEAH BABY.

    ITS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ME!

    ME!

  4. Richard Bergeron says:

    “AWESOME!!!”

    Thanks.

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