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Close Encounters of the Winged Kind

Jan 23 2013

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I was sleuthing youtube for videos of people making idiots of themselves and found this.

The best part about it is her initial grunt/scream followed up by her additional gurgle scream. Reminds me of Aughra from The Dark Crystal.

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Why Can’t I?

Nov 10 2012

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Came home to find this on my desktop. Thanks tips!

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Travel Curse The Legend Continues

Mar 15 2012

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Mmmmmmmmmmm, here it is folks. 3 years in the making and every bit as old as it was when it was first recorded. This episode is guaranteed to make you shiver with excitement, cringe with fear and elate with joy¬†unforeseen. Unfortunately, the musical selections are pretty solid. I’ll get back on track soon.

I swear this is the last time you’ll hear about this one massage…but this is the real deal. We’re talking hours after it happened folks. Will it happen this time?

 

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Posted in VINYL MYSTERY HOUR, VMH Podcast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Declassified Image #1382-ZZ8

Dec 30 2011

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Stinky Tom

Jan 14 2011

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Here is a comic I made in MS Paint.

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Corporate Photoshop Fun 2

Dec 18 2010

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It’s time again to have fun in Photoshop with stock corporate photos. Without further ado, here are my creations.

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Posted in SLORPIS | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Crap on a stick!

Dec 03 2010

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1. Crap

Here is some crap in a pile found on the neigbors lawn. It is some quite nice looking crap i must say. If you were to pick it up you would most surely need a pair of gloves or possibly a stick.

2. A stick

Here is a nice stick and it is totally great. Look at its sleek features and rudimentary design. I believe it belongs to Jessica. I think it is the finest stick I have ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes upon, and it most surely would be perfect for putting crap on.

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Posted in SLORPIS | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!

Nov 30 2010

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So the other day I was driving down the road in extra snowy Winnipeg after finishing a long overdue workout at the gym when I saw a bizarre and distressing scene on the side of the road. On a snowy trail running parallel to the road about 10 meters from the roads edge I saw one of those motorized scooters that elderly and disabled people use to get around. It was stopped on the trail. Beside the scooter there was an old man on his hands and knees in the snow with a young girl about 5 years old sitting in the snow beside him. Tied to the scooter was one of those little yappy scotty dogs and I could see it was barking. Here is a depiction of said scene:


My first instinct was to stop and see if everyone was ok as this scene did not seem right in my head and it was quite a cold day at -16 degrees Celsius with the wind chill. I was driving at about 60km/h in very icy conditions on a very busy road. The shoulder of the road where one might normally pull off out of traffic was virtually non existent due to a large snow bank. I decided it was too dangerous to suddenly stop on the side of the road so I drove ahead looking for a better location to pull off but there was none to be found. I continued driving and thought to myself “someone will help them if there really is a problem. Maybe the old dude was just playing in the snow with his grand daughter.”

After driving away I felt conflicted about my choice to not stop in the middle of the road to help. I still feel bad about not stopping. What do you guys think about this? Should I have risked it and stopped? Should I have turned around and gone back to see if the old fellow really was in distress? Let me know what you think.

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Posted in SLORPIS | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

First Aid and Other Ponderings

Nov 28 2010

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I recently participated in a first aid and CPR course. I will now tell you about my experience.

When I first entered the classroom, I noticed that the majority of the leftover seats were sandwiched in between people that were already seated. I scanned the room for attractive females and there were few to be found. I took a seat at the back of the room in between an old grisseled man and a mildly attractive female. Approximately 5 minutes after seating myself, 3 attractive females entered the room. One of said attractive females
sat beside a dashing young indie styled fellow directly in front of me. During small breaks, the two would engage in conversation. He would go on to tell her he is an artist and likes to do volunteer work in his spare time. She would gush over such statements and flick her back and bat her lashes at him. He then went on to inform her that he had a wife that made much more money than himself. She said a few more words and then did not speak to him again for the remainder of the class. She even moved to a different seat after lunch. I guess she wanted him to bone her.


After lunch it was time to do choking baby scenarios. For all of you psychos out there, this is not when we choke babies, but rather when we save babies from choking. They lined us up against the wall as if we were about to be executed. Fortunately, they did not execute us. We were each to be handed a plastic, supposedly realistic, baby doll, but they were short on dolls. When I was handed my baby doll, I realized that it’s arms and legs did not move in a realistic fashion. They moved in a robotized style and did not have joints at the elbows or knees. I then proceeded to make my baby doll dance like a robot. After a short time, a fellow beside me who did not have a doll, abruptly asked,

“What’s the deal here?”

I replied, “oh, just checking out my babies robot dance moves”

The insecure humourless fellow then let out a short nervous laugh and proceeded to look at me like I was insane. I am insane, but I don’t appreciate looks that insinuate so. After striking the baby doll several times on the back and chest, I decided that my baby would most definitely be dead from said blows. I started wondering if I was in a baby killing training class. At one point, the instructor mentioned zombie babies, and that is when my suspicions were confirmed.

After learning zombie baby killing techniques, we sat back down and learned more first aid. The mildly attractive female that sat beside me had a flemmy sounding cough, which made her considerably less attractive. From time to time, I would be handed documents that needed to be passed along to the person beside me. Each time I would pass a document to the mildly attractive female she would say,

“mmmhmm yes, thank you very much”

I found this statement to be the mutterings of someone that is socially inept. She proved herself to be otherwise in a later conversation during a break. I did not interact with her to a high degree as I myself am socially inept. The rest of day one was fairly uneventful so I will skip to day two.

Day 2 was quite different from day 1 of the course. The attendance went from around 20 down to 3 because the majority of the class did not need to get the full standard first aid certification. I must say, the 3 of us were quite a mix-matched rag tag crew. There was an older Caucasian gentleman that had one of those holes in his neck so he could speak. I believe it is called a tracheotomy but I’m not entirely positive. He still smoked and would take his smoke breaks whenever he pleased. At one point the instructor said, “you know smoking is bad for you right?” I thought it was a funny joke. The smoking man did not. Then there was a middle aged African woman from Zimbabwe that came to Canada to flee political persecution because she was part of a human rights organization that was documenting the egregious human rights violations taking place in her country. Her name is Gertrude. Then there was me. One really awesome dude. I found Gertrudes story to be quite compelling so I will share it with you now.

One day in Zimbabwe while Gertrude was chilling at the human rights organization head quarters, she had received word that government officials or some nasty dudes were going to raid the headquarters in a very short time. Her coworkers told her that she had to leave the country or she may face death or life imprisonment in a really awful prison, but most likely death. Within a matter of a few hours, she was on a plane to the US and then rode a bus up to Canada. She had to leave behind her 3 children in Zimbabwe. She is now trying to bring her children to Canada, but does not have the money or resources to do so. I gave Gertrude a ride home at the end of the class. She is a nice lady. We almost crashed into a snow bank. Winnipeg roads are slippery.

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Posted in SLORPIS | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments