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Milk Alien Saga: Part 4

Dec 12 2009

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Previously on “Stoned Encounters with the 3rd Kind” Tom the alien crash landed into the back lot of a cult named the Neon Jello Evangelists and was mistakenly deemed their leader. Tom fell in love with Sandra, but it was short-lived for they were kidnapped by ruthless redneck thugs. Tom couldn’t deal with the memories of the ordeal and left Sandra. He began to live the high life partying it up and had an affair with Barry’s wife. Barry came home to find his wife in bed with Tom and Barry became enraged.

And now the thrilling conclusion to “Stoned Encounters with the 3rd Kind”;

Barry grabs Tom and before he can use his powers to defend himself, Barry violently smashes Tom’s head into the headboard. He continues to bash his head until Tom stops moving. Barry, still enraged, throws Tom’s limp body onto the floor. He places his foot on Tom’s torso and begins to tear off his limbs one by one. He grabs the pile of bloodied limbs and carries them outside to throw them into the courtyard of the colony.

At this point the attendees of the aforementioned party  are just beginning to filter out into the court yard. To their dismay, they witness Barry tossing the pieces of their once whole leader into the courtyard lawn. At first, the crowds reaction is one of complete horror, but then one of the onlookers shouts out, “The great leader’s limbs still hold his power within them!” After a few seconds of confusion and thought processing, suddenly the members of the Neon Jello Evangelists collectively rush for the limbs like a deal hungry crowd unleashed through the doors at Walmart on Black Friday. They trample over each other praying to grab one of their leaders limbs with the hopes that the power possessed within the limb will be bestowed upon its owner. Those that are unable to obtain a limb feverishly barge into Barry and Lisa’s home and rip apart what is left of Tom’s torso and head.The scene could be described as pathetic at best.
A few days after the incident, the Neon Jello Evangelists decide that they must elect a new leader; however, there is no clear choice. After much debate they come to a consensus that those in possession of Tom’s body parts will be elected as members of a high council. This council will oversee and determine the course of all actions within the colony.
 Now a society that once enjoyed a lack of social discrimination based on class structure, became quite the opposite. The egos of those members who possessed one of the former leaders body parts became quite engorged. They walked around with their nose in the air to those who didn’t possess one and much like a lucky rabbits foot, they always carried their alien body part with them. This was not only because it was a status symbol, but also because they knew that any other NJE with two feet and a heartbeat would do anything to get their hands on one of the prized body parts, so an unattended body part was akin to asking for it to be stolen.
The non-possession group, as they were called, started holding secret meetings to discuss plans to over throw the possessors, but before they could carry out their plans, something unimaginable happened.
Tom’s limbs and other body parts, although seemingly inanimate objects, began to take on a life of their own. The possessors were unable to contain the physical power of the alien parts.
Little did they know,  a ship from Tom’s home world had quietly positioned itself over the colony in the middle of the night.
They had come back for Tom.
The ship let loose an array of what appeared to be streams of bright white light. Tom’s body parts leaped up from their motionless state and parted company with their captors. All of the various pieces gathered together in the center of the courtyard under the ship. In a great blast of the light, the parts fused together to take the form of Tom once again.
The NJE’s looked on in astonishment at what they were witnessing. Tom slowly floated up into the ship and as he did he gave the entire group the finger. Before the ship left to return to Tom’s home world, Tom instructed the ship’s captain to nuke the site from orbit. As Tom watched the nuclear blast decimate the colony that he once loved, he whispered under his breath, “Goodbye, and good riddance!”
 Photo Sources: Charlie White


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The Milk Alien Saga: Part 3

May 17 2009

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Previously on “Stoned Encounters with the 3rd Kind” Tom the alien crash landed into the back lot of a cult and was mistakenly deemed their leader. Tom fell in love with Sandra, but it was short-lived for they were kidnapped by ruthless redneck thugs. Tom couldn’t deal with the memories of the ordeal and left Sandra.

And now, Part 3;

After parting with Sandra, Tom was able to relinquish the horrible memories of his kidnapping. He felt alive again, and full of vigor. He started to again attend the social gatherings of the Neon Jello Evangelists. Things couldn’t be better.

All of the ladies of the cult knew Tom was single and looking. Most of them would jump at the chance to be with the great Lord Worgalt. Tom could have any woman he desired, but his mind was set on Barry’s wife Lisa. He spent the night working his charms on her and towards the end of the evening they escaped away together to Barry’s house. They spent what seemed like an eternity making sweet passionate love, and eventually fell asleep in each others embrace, forgetting the conspicuously dangerous bed in which they lay.

An hour later, Barry arrived home from the party quite drunk. He stripped off his cloths as he made his way to the bedroom. When he opened the door, he could hear Tom’s distinctive dying giraffe breathing sound. It sounds like this:

Audio Source: South Park the Movie

Barry flipped on the lights of the room to reveal Tom and Sandra embracing one another in his bed. He instantly becomes enraged and attacks Tom.

Lisa, terrified, attempts to flee the scene, but Tom reaches out for her help. Barry has a firm grip on Tom’s head and begins to….

Find out what becomes of Tom in the next episode of “Stoned Encounters with the 3rd Kind”.

Photo Source: Charlie White

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The Bird Beast Saga

Apr 27 2009

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In a matter of days, Chad Worthing’s life would change forever.


BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP! Chad Worthing awakes to the detestable chime of his alarm clock, it’s 6am, time to take on the day. He sits on the edge of his bed for a moment, rubs his eyes and convinces himself that he has to get up. It felt like he just went to sleep, but he resists the urge to lay his head on the pillow next to his wife. Reluctantly, he makes his way to the bathroom and goes to take a shower. Chad forgets that their hot water heater had recently broke down and a blast of freezing cold water comes showering down on his head. The water was freezing, yet invigorating. He jumps out of the shower and dries himself off. “Oh well”, he thinks, “I have to take a shower after I use the office gym anyway.”

He finishes up his morning routine and kisses his wife goodbye before he heads out into the streets of Los Angeles. While drivng to work, Chad normally listens to the morning talk show with Slick Nick and Gerald, but today, his show had been replaced with news. The news reporter mentioned something about an accident of some sort in the downtown area, Chad, uninterested, turned off the radio before he heard any details.

On the way to work, Chad comes accross a couple of disturbing scenes.

The first scene is a woman who looks to have been attacked or have fallen down. Her leg appears to be injured, but she is being helped by another woman, and so Chad, not one to get involved, keeps driving. He wonders for a moment what might have happened, and then quickly forgets about it after being cut off by some asshole in a silver Mazda 626.

The next scene, however; is something that Chad would not soon forget.

Driving through a small downtown residential area, he gets a quick glimpse of a shirtless man holding up the severed head of some animal that was unidentifiable to Chad. A small boy is poking at the lips with a stick, while another child watches from behind a fence. Driving away, Chad searches his database of animals in his mind, but the closest match he can come up with is an ostrich. He is baffled, as he is pretty sure there are no ostriches in Los Angeles and the head that the man was holding up only vaguely reminded him of an ostrich.

Fifteen minutes later he arrives at the Medstock office building, his place of work for the last 11 years. With the image of the disgusting head still fresh in his mind, he enters the familiar lobby and heads to the elevator. Two women are in the elevator that he recognizes, Lisa and Betty. He smiles and then presses the button for floor 5, where the office gym is located, and leans against the wall. While thinking about what he just witnessed, he overhears the two women talking about how someone had been attacked in the downtown area. He then remembers the woman that he saw who seemed to be in distress. “What a strange morning” he thought, as he the elevator bumped to a stop and the doors slid open. He exits the elevator and makes his way down the balloon strewn hallway. Chad then remembers that today is the 25th anniversary of the Medstock Corporation. “Whoop dee fucking doo” he thinks to himself as he enters the men’s change room. He changes into some shorts and a t-shirt, swings open the door to the gym and this is what he sees.

How will Monday end for Chad? What is that thing in the gym? What is in store for Tuesday? Find out next time on The Bird Beast Saga.

Photo Source: Charlie White

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The Milk Alien Saga

Apr 13 2009

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I recently came across a couple interesting pictures and I have been attempting to find out their origins, but to no avail. I intend to find out. In the meantime, I will speculate their origin and back story.

This first image is fantastic. The puppet or figurine or whatever it is they used for the alien looks superb. He even has a dark hairy groin area, which can be seen more clearly in the next photo. Everyone in the picture looks like they are extraordinarily high, and the portly fellow laughing in the background on the left looks like he went a little overboard on the stick reefer joints. The woman in the blue with the large glistening mammaries seems to have the closest connection with Tom, that’s the name I gave him, Tom. What is she feeding him, cottage cheese? I think the two laying on the floor in the foreground may be eating a bowl of jello, and let me tell you, they are having a blast. This picture may be the definition of Neon Jello Evangelists.

I wish this was a still from a television show. It could be titled “Stoned Encounters with the 3rd Kind“. It’s the 1970’s, Tom, in search of a new planet for his people, crash lands on Earth into the back lot of a religious cult. They think that Tom is their beloved Lord Worgalt and take him in and worship the shit out of him, and then party like it’s 1972. Over time, Tom forgets about his mission, his people, and finds a new life for himself on earth. With his noble followers, with the woman he loves, Sandra (glistening mammories), he finally feels like he is home. But oh no! Trouble is brewing.
Tom and Sandra have been kidnapped by a group of ruthless redneck thugs from the nearby township. These particular thugs hate the Neon Jello Evangelists and have a strange fascination with milk torture. Will Tom and Sandra be rescued? Does tom have special powers that he can use to escape? Find out next time on Stoned Encounters with the Third Kind.
Photo Source: Charlie White

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