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Diary of a Park Ranger: Entry #1

Jun 28 2012

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I visited the local co-op grocery store while on duty this past Tuesday morning. I walked into the store in uniform and it was a bustling little place. They were undergoing an expansion and renovations so there were people busily working away on different projects throughout the store. As I walked through the chaos, every person I passed greeted me with a chipper hello or good morning and a great big smile. I felt like I was belle from beauty and the beast as she walks through the market, except way more manly. I made my way to the small fridge in the back of the store that contained some pre-made deli items. The fridge was mostly bare, and I had to choose from either a chicken wrap that looked kind of soggy, or a two bun sandwich combo that looked mostly dry and edible. One of the buns was chicken with cheese and the other was ham with cheese. I grabbed an orange juice out of another cooler, paid for the items at the till and made my way back out to the big old patrol van. (more…)

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Barf Parade

May 16 2009

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I have found a number of really great pictures of people barfing so I thought I would amalgamate them into one magnificent blog post of my top 5 barf photos.

Barf Photo #5

Source: MMOAB

This is a pretty great barf photo. I for one hate barfing. It goes out through my nose and the taste stays in my mouth even after brushing my teeth. It truly does suck. This guy tripled up on the suckage. Let me explain. First off he barfed into his helmet, which keeps the barf nice and close to his face for maximum stench and slime factor. I would suspect he is having trouble breathing in there. Second off, he probably rode his bike to that McDonald’s, so if he doesn’t want to die or get a ticket, he will have to wear the helmet on the way home. Lastly, when he takes off the helmet, the barf is going to smear all up his face and on to his forehead. AWESOME! Oh yeah, and that dog is totally about to eat that barf. I know it, I just know it!

Barf Photo # 4

Source: MMOAB

This guy would make Linda Blair jealous. Look at that glorious thick green stream. I like how he is holding his hand out to the side, almost like he is saying “TAAADAAA!” For his next trick he will wallow in his own barf. I think I just found the source of swine flu.

Barf Photo #3

Source: Puke Planet

This is a fairly popular barf photo. As you can see, the man on the left has just punched a guy in the face and barfed simultaneously. Amazing, I know. On top of that, the barf is shooting out of his nose in two perfect streams. It’s too bad the barf didn’t land on his punching victim; it would have been a double attack. He could make it his special attack, Barf Punch Humiliation. Seriously though, this guy is a loser.

Barf Photo #2

Source: Photobucket

This is by far one of the greatest barfing moments captured on film. I wonder if the barfing kid is intentionally barfing on the kid kneeling down to his right. I like how nobody else in the picture shows any hint of noticing the kid barfing. Maybe it was a stealth barf attack. I just realized that barfing should be incorporated into attacks more often.

Barf Photo #1

Source: Webpages

The picture says it all.
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A Beautiful Vomit

Apr 12 2009

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While strolling down the sidewalk with a few friends on some busy street in Victoria, we came across this amazing scene.

Naturally, we took a photo with my high tech mobile media device. In this photo, we have a whitish splatter of what appears to be barf accompanied by a bright pink child’s doll. The two clash with one another to the highest degree. I really enjoy looking at this photo. The doll is so bright, innocent and angelic, yet it is abandoned in the street next to a putrid mess, face down with a few locks of platinum blond hair flowing out the side. The barf on the other hand, is absolutely vile. Looking at it for prolonged periods of time turns my face to a grimace and induces a nauseated feeling, but I also can’t help but appreciate it’s elegance. The radius of the splatter is huge, indicating that the vomit hit with a considerable force. I would suspect that the barfer incurred a fair bit of splash back. I also can’t help but notice that the barf kind of looks like a puffy cloud, like one of those ones you could make shapes out of. I see a great warrior emerging from a cloud of smoke with sunlight glistening off his armor. What do you see?

I sometimes wonder what came first, the barf or the doll. I like to think neither, and that they are directly related to one another. Maybe a child violently vomited and in the process dropped the doll next to the pile. The mother of the child, overly concerned with germs, insisted that the child leave the doll. The child breaks out in tears and screams while the evil caregiver drags her away. The possibilities are endless.

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