Quality Family Time

Apr 14 2009

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While scouring the internet for bizarre and intriguing photos I came across this gem:

Of course, I have come up with a story to go along with this outstanding piece of photography. The child in the foreground wailing on the guitar, whom I will name Barf as there is no other suitable name for a child of this caliber, is a musical genius. He has been performing ever since he can remember. On this particular day, Barf decided to wail out a classic Paul Anka love song. Grandpa in the background, who is suffering from dementia, has a synapse fire in his brain when he hears the song. It was the song that he and his wife made love to for the first time when they were just a couple of young lovebirds. Grandpa’s mind reverts back to that night and he begins to prepare to get it on with Grandma, who is in the next room, by dropping his shorts. When Grandma hears the song, she thinks it is being played over the radio because of Barf’s amazing talent, and she dances her way into the living room in a euphoric state, she also suffers from dementia. Fortunately for Barf, his mother still has her wits about her and sprints into action to put a stop to the mad love about to occur behind him. Barf never knew how close he came to being scarred for life.

This photo and story reminds me of a story from my college years. I know, that sounds bad, but hear me out.

I was renting a place off campus, some dingy dump of a house in Lethbridge, Alberta. My landlord, who seemed like a seedy dude, left his cats at my place for me to take care of. He would come by every so often with a bag of cat food, and sometimes would just show up without any notice and would let himself in without knocking. So during Christmas holidays, I traveled back to BC, and the landlord said he would come by every so often and take care of the cats. When I returned to my humble abode, I found a plastic bag under the coffee table in the living room. Inside this bag was a reciept from the local adult video store, and the videos rented were listed on the receipt. There were two films listed, one with a questionable title, so a friend and I decided we would take a trip to this particular video store and investigate. The first video on the list was titled: Man Smokers 5, some generic gay porn, and the second video on the list was this:

I couldn’t actually find the dvd cover on the web so I had to make one that resembles it, (it was not fun searching for this photo and the government may now be monitoring me due to some of the sites my google searches brought me to) but this is pretty much what it looked like, including the part about Grandma. Needless to say, I was disturbed, so I kept the reciept with the intent to use it as ammo if my landlord ever screwed me over. Good times!

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3 Responses to Quality Family Time

  1. Anonymous says:

    Great post. I hope pornography will be a running theme in your web log. I was wondering what constitutes “generic” gay porn? The family schmutzig is interesting, does the “shmutzing” imply that it is jewish incest (shmutz being yiddish slang for dirt, filth, etc..)? Is jewish incest different than other incest? How does christian incest compare? Could this post ignite a religious war? I think jews would win because they make potato pancakes, plus christians are just….you know…..kinda lame.

    You Know Who

  2. Richard Bergeron says:

    Thanks. I was actually wondering what constitutes generic gay porn as I was writing it, but it sounded good, so I went with it.

    Yes, the family was Jewish, I neglected to mention that. Some of the men were wearing yarmulkes on the cover.

  3. Erik the reader says:

    Gosh, gosh, gosh I will report this ….

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