Mushroom Disaster

Nov 19 2009

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Back in the day my friends and I would occasionally set out on a trip to the forest to pick chanterelle mushrooms. I would now like to share with you a story from one such occasion.

It was early September, and the mushroom picking season was just getting underway. Unfortunately it had been a very dry summer, but despite the lack of rain, my friends and I decided to venture out into the forest in search of the illusive chanterelle mushroom.


 Look at those tasty glistening golden chanterelle mushrooms. My brain nearly melts when I look at this image. Anyway, back to the story.

We found a small valley that ran perpendicular to the road and it looked like a place where one might find golden mushrooms covering the hillsides. We made our way into the forest along the moss covered slopes of the valley. At first we did not find a single mushroom, but we knew the further we traveled away from the road, the more likely we were to find an unpicked section of forest. After a while, we started to find a few mushrooms here and there and we quickly became consumed by mushroom fever. My fatal mistake.

I recall spotting some mushrooms from across the valley, so I excitedly ran to the other side of the valley. Once I arrived at the mushroom patch, I feverishly started cutting the mushrooms off at the base with my trusty mushroom knife. I was holding my knife in my right hand when suddenly I felt an intense pain on the back of my left hand.

I quickly rotated my wrist to find a huge black and white wasp stinging the back of my hand. I tried to brush it off twice, but it had some kind of death grip on me. This is when I felt another pain on my back, and then on my side and my leg, my other arm. I yelled at the top of my lungs “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!” and started running while trying to swat them off of me, but to no avail. I probably looked something similar to how Chris Farley looked in that scene from Tommy Boy.

Source: Jens Lens

In my swatting madness, I managed to slice my left hand with my mushroom knife. Blood started pouring out of my hand onto my mushroom bag and clothing. Panic set in. Blood was everywhere and I had pain all over my body. I kept running and swatting and I soon managed to escape the wasps. I scanned the hillsides for my friends, but they were nowhere to be seen. I slowly made my way back to the road in some kind of state of shock. I found my friends there waiting for me beside the vehicle. Apparently they had taken my “bee” warning quite seriously and had safely escaped the wasps by running all the way back to the road.

When I arrived on the road, I felt like I was going to throw up. I had around a dozen huge welts all over my body and my hand was still bleeding. I started to explain to them what happened and I believe we all just started laughing.

Good times.

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4 Responses to Mushroom Disaster

  1. Noodles says:

    Sorry. I laugh. The picture doesn't help. I laugh some more. And then I find out it's a real book. Excuse me while I die.

  2. Anonymous says:

    you were a bloody mess that day. I didnt remember the wasps being massive white and black wasps. Might go picking next week with margaret and my dad, ill keep you posted.

    -Pubes

  3. Neon Jello Evangelist says:

    They were pretty big. They were like black and white or black and gray and they were most definitely evil. I envy your shroom picking accessibility.

  4. Neon Jello Evangelist says:

    Yup, its a real book noodles. I want to find it. I'm curious to see if content of the book is bizarre like the cover. I hope so.

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