Hostage Crysis

Jul 01 2009

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A new fad is sweeping the nation. No, I’m not talking about sausage dumplings. I’m referring to the widespread, and seemingly accepted, hostage crysis taking place right here in our neighborhoods. Families have begun to divide and start taking their own family members hostage. See for yourself.

Sally, on the left, has taken her mother hostage after requesting sausage dumplings for supper and being shut down. Sally’s mother, Rebecca, says that “after Sally took me hostage, we are much closer and things have never been better”. As it turns out, the majority of these in family hostage takings actually strengthen the relationship between family members. Sally says “Mommy gives me dumplings now. I love mommy. If mommy doesn’t do what I say, I shoot her face blam blam ahahahaha”

This isn’t just an isolated incident. Take the Lagimodiere family for instance.

Stanley has taken his wife, daughter and two dogs hostage after realizing that he had a tiny penis. Stanley says that he feels much more confident in himself and in the relationship he has with his family. “They respect me now” he says. Stanley’s wife, Linda, said that she “worships his penis now, eventhough it is still pathetically tiny.” Stanley’s daughter did not wish to comment and when I attempted to interview the dogs, there appeared to be some impenetrable communication barrier in place.

The case of the Gillis family is quite interesting and definitely worth mentioning.

All members of the Gillis family, except the dog, have taken up arms and are holding every other family member hostage. A Mexican standoff so to speak. In this situation, relationships have not strengthened or weakened and are practically at a stand still. The dog was quoted as saying “These people are fucking lunatics, get me out of here! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SANE AND RIGHTEOUS, PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

Silly dog.

Here are some images of other families that are in a hostage crysis.


Crazy gun toting bastards.

Photo Source: Armed America

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3 Responses to Hostage Crysis

  1. Anonymous says:

    I was recently detained in a bizzare egg and sausage room. I got out but my relationship with rooms is very weak right now.

    –Mr Johnston.

  2. Richard Bergeron says:

    I recall this detainment. Interesting coincidence.

  3. Erik the reader says:

    It is no joke! In some parts of world like in Bolivia if you are shot down unarmed and afterwards they dig up some pics where you are boasting with your guns you are labeled and exposed wrongfully as a terrorist, fascist, Nazi scumbag who wanted to do in the president and so on. See http://www.toasoelod.com/en/index.html

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