Diary of a Park Ranger: Entry #4

Jul 15 2012

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Dear Diary,

I watched a man almost drown the other day. There was a split second while he was struggling to keep his head above water that I thought I might have to strip off my duty gear stuff and save his stupid ass. Luckily his friends saved him after I yelled at them.  He was a big dude so he probably would have drown me in the process of trying to help him. I hear that is a thing that happens often. Immediately after the near death experience, I started questioning the group about all the empty beer cans in the area. One of the dudes was holding a crushed empty beer can under the water and said that the cans were there when they got there. I then asked him about the can in his hand and he said “What this? Oh, I was just using this as a flotation device”. Clever girl!

I got another fist bump today from an adult dude that I was evicting from the park. His fist bump felt way less monumental than the one I got from the kid the other day.  It was more of a “thanks for not chargin us with huge fines bro” kind of fist bump.  If only he knew what went on behind closed doors. I always feel odd when approached with a fist bump. It is not a social gesture I normally take part in, so when I see someone raise their fist in expectation of a fist bump from me, I often hesitate and there is this pause where I am realizing that this person wants me to pound their fist with mine. The pause length verges on invoking a “don’t leave me hanging bro” kind of response, but I usually reciprocate fisties just in time. Said fisty is also awkward.

I wonder who will fist me next?

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3 Responses to Diary of a Park Ranger: Entry #4

  1. Muhtick says:

    Ill put my fist in your bum, if that’s what you mean.

  2. larrybrains larrybrains says:

    It’s not what I mean, but I have never been one to turn down free rectum inspections, if that’s what you mean.

  3. francine says:

    Saving a large, drunk, drowning man does not sound fun. Good on you for getting the other drunkards to do it. Also good on you for not being the instigator of the fist bumps.

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