Cannibal Feast Etiquette

Apr 19 2009

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Source: Gecko & Fly

If you ever attend a cannibal feast, here are some general guidelines to follow and helpful hints so you don’t make a fool of yourself.

Rule #1: Don’t look at or focus on the genitalia of the human you are about to consume. It is considered extremely disrespectful to the former life of your food. If you are having trouble doing so, try engaging in casual conversation with the person next to you about the freshness of the corpse. You could even make a joke like, “She’s so fresh, she’s still moving”, make various witty comments like this and you will be sure to win over a few of the other cannibals.

Rule #2: Always refer to the corpse as “him” or “her”, never “it”. Preferably, use the name of the deceased. Cannibal feast invitations usually contain the name of the deceased so try to have it memorized before arriving. This particular corpse is named Janice.

Take notice in the picture above. The girl on the far right is breaking Rule #1. She is clearly staring at Janice’s vagina.

Rule #3: If you are lucky enough to be chosen to carve the meat there is a specific process you must abide by, or you will most definitely be asked to leave. Before you make the first cut, place 3 shots of alcohol in front of you with one fork on the far left and one in between the 2nd and 3rd shot. Once you have done so, you are ready to start cutting. Hold the knife with both hands and be sure not to touch the corpse. Gently plunge the knife in just below the last rib, and cut a square into the corpse that extends down the mid section to the waste line and back to the ribs along the side of the corpse.

Source: Gecko & Fly

Rule #4: Pass the knife to your closest neighbor and begin to feast on the gooey innards.

With these rules and tips, you should be able to get through a typical cannibal feast without incident. Good luck, and have fun!

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3 Responses to Cannibal Feast Etiquette

  1. Anonymous says:

    One time at a cannibal feast we were eating a horrendously ugly corpse and i made a face that showed my disgust which offended everyone greatly. At that point i had nothing to lose and i went to town on the genitals.


  2. Richard Bergeron says:

    I guess if someone hosts a cannibal feast and serves an ugly corpse, the host has already committed cannibal feast suicide, so no need to worry about offending anyone.

  3. margaret says:

    If anyone in the Vancouver area wants to know where to get a really great corpse that won’t let down your guests, drop me a line. I’ve got some exclusive contacts. And if you mention Richard’s blog I’ll give you a 10% discount.

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